People are Strange

 (Note: This is the initial time that Helen is posting first. John’s response will follow.)

There are a lot of stereotypes about Americans that exist in our country, but before discussing foreigners, I should reflect on myself and maybe confirm some clichés about Ukrainians first.

John wrote that 70% of Americans do not have a passport. This is absolutely unacceptable and illegal in Ukraine because we do not possess any other identity card which is powerful enough to replace a passport. You can’t even rent an apartment or get accepted at a job (a legal one), university, or get married/divorced without having one. It usually includes a lot of personal information such as your permanent residence, a marriage “stamp”, and the amount of children that you have. This explains the expression that comes from the Soviet Union which supports the bureaucracy: you’re a nonentity without “paper”, but with “paper” you’re a man.

Ukrainians are given their national passports at the age of 16 and are supposed to keep them for their entire lives (adding new photos at 25 and 45). They are way too big to keep in a wallet and way too fragile to carry every day. The funniest thing is: we can’t really go abroad with a national passport (except Russia) and have to obtain another one – a so called foreign passport (even though it’s not an obligatory document inside the country). As a result, if you are going to change your last name (usually for women) you will have to change both passports. This takes a lot of time and money.

We tend to be malicious (maybe because of too much red tape?). Everybody is jostling everyone else in the public transportation and you’re thought to be crazy if you are smiling while walking alone in the street or you may actually be suspected of having dangerous intentions if you grin at a stranger. Of course, if you’re really off your rocker (such as in love, happy, reminiscing about some hilarious incident, just consumed a few delicious cocktails, or perhaps while you’re sitting in a coffee house reading a book that has “Zombies” included in its tacky gothic title). Maybe you don’t really care what other people think, even though you may be given strange looks. To prove you’re normal you just have to wear a straight face all the time.  Ukrainians tend to remain aloof unless they work at McDonalds where smiling is required. However, I’m not sure whether this tradition is still being kept, because I haven’t been to this establishment in years.

We, Ukrainians, don’t like when somebody bothers us while we are working, especially if we don’t enjoy our jobs. Do you want to know who the alpha person is in a public place; for example, an office, a supermarket, a school etc? It is the one who thinks his assignment is the most important, the one who regulates the “traffic”, and the same one who will give you a hateful look if you get in his way? Of, course it’s generally a member of the cleaning staff, usually a middle-aged woman, who hates when you dare to walk near the aisle/floor where she is working at the time. You’re usually supposed to wait until the area is dry and then you are allowed to enter the forbidden zone. There is no valid reason for their angry and the worst thing is that I assume they behave the same way at home (poor relatives).

 Ukrainians are survivors. Nobody understands how we can live on $120 a month (it’s the salary on the border of living-wage) and maybe this is a good explanation why the cleaning people hate you. Actually for Americans even $250 per month, which is approximately an average salary in Kharkiv sounds quite scary.

The people of Ukraine are reserved. They don’t usually trust strangers and suspect them of primarily looking for mercenary gain if they ask us about our personal life. We don’t consider somebody our friend just because we had a nice conversation with them one day. We can give the benefit of doubt to our enemies, but a friend has a different status that can easily be compromised by unusual actions. If you are able to share your thoughts, your expectations, your plans, your emotions the first time you meet a person, you’re definitely not Ukrainian.

However, sometimes Ukrainians can be empathetic without a sound pragmatic reason. Maybe it is just the result of some kindness that is found in the depths of their souls. One can help you if you have a traffic accident by giving you a lift to the hospital. In addition, in some cases a taxi driver may let you go without paying a fair after you were driven to your address. This is after you told him that you missed your last subway train (or fell asleep and skipped your stop) and had no other way to get home. Maybe your face looked astonished, which may have made him believe you, but it wasn’t enough to not collect a fee and couldn’t be explained by any other rational reason. 

Posted by Helen

Just one more thing.....

In my classes we had an activity that used a detective as the cornerstone. I would always start the exercise by asking the students if they knew any famous detectives. Sherlock Holmes would always be the most popular pick but I was astonished that Lieutenant Columbo usually came in second. Part of my surprise was because the TV series Columbo was actually part of a rotation of three detective dramas that was titled the NBC Mystery Movie. So if everyone remembers Columbo then maybe the other two shows, which were McCloud and McMillan and Wife, were not broadcast in Ukraine? This is a grand mystery to me. Maybe someone can clear this up? In any case, the reason than I have brought this up is that Peter Falk, who portrayed the rumpled, seemingly unsophisticated Italian American, died yesterday.  Peter Falk was nominated for an Academy Award twice and appeared in over forty movies. Nonetheless, he is best known for his role as Columbo. He was 83 years old and left behind a wife and two daughters.

Posted by John

Chernobyl, the Ukrainian response to McDonalds

You can usually figure out how people feel about their country by their first reactions to questions about it. This is a good way to tell what they may be proud, embarrassed or scared of (fear is often connected with respect). I’m not going to provide a psychological analysis of what John wrote about Ukraine, I just want to talk about some out-of-date facts, which are no longer true but have never the less become part of our history. We have learned since primary school, that Ukraine used to be a bakery of Europe, but for me it seems embarrassing to even say this aloud now. While we still have rich soil, Ukraine doesn’t use this resource in a productive way. Our harvests don’t yield enough because of a lack of modern agricultural technology and also because of some unpredictable changes in the weather during the last few years.

So, let’s talk about some less historical and more trivial issues. The question is: what are the real things that could be mentioned about Ukraine? To discover this, I’ve carried out an informal survey concerning what Ukrainians think the two most famous or infamous things about our country which are well known abroad. The answers could be random events, facts or persons but the requirement was to answer my question quickly and spontaneously. The absolute chart leader among them unfortunately happened to be Chernobyl. Second place was a tie between the brothers Klitschko (http://klitschko.com/)  (although Andriy Shevchenko was named too) and the Orange Revolution (2004). In the third position we had the Ukrainian dishes borsch and salo. Oddly enough, among the culinary delights, varenyky was brought up just one time. Other things mentioned were The Black Sea and the fact that UA was once part of the Soviet Union. Some of the responses showed that Ukrainians have quite a low opinion of their country. The cruelest thing I’ve heard was the reply of a 21-year old girl (she studies in conservatory, plays violin and is quite modest in general), who answered “salo and vodka”. On the contrary, someone also remembered the Antonov airliner (http://www.airliners.net/aircraft-data/stats.main?id=389). This probably means that we still have patriots.

Of course, the goal of my exploration was to also find two facts about America. This questioning basically divided people into two camps (although the participants were not really aware of it). The first of these was concerned with economics and politics, with the other discussing national symbols of America and some trivial stuff as well. The primary group referred to their widespread currency represented by the U.S. dollar, the powerful economy, strong military, NATO, and finally struggling with and suffering from terrorism. Among the most memorable events named was September, 11th.

But anyway, and it is the second group’s entire fault, the absolute leader among the things associated with America was fast food in general (and McDonalds particularly), which according to the latest investigations of American scientists can be put on the same footing as Chernobyl for Ukraine. The second place was allocated by such “icons” as cowboys and the Statue of Liberty while the third one was occupied by Hollywood which of course is the principal center of the US movie industry. Also mentioned by one person each were the NY Yankees baseball team and US Capitol.

I’ve got to say that a lot of people have some positive stereotypes about America being a country of big opportunities, independence, and a high standard of living; (maybe this also was a hidden meaning in bringing up the iconic cowboys and the Statue of Liberty). American people were considered outgoing (people’s mentality will be discussed at a later date). Seems like Ukrainians are much more negative about their country and do not really appreciate what they have here. For example, just one person pointed out the beauty of Ukrainian women.

Even though I have a good excuse because I’m not a sociologist and I didn’t have a large audience to ask my questions (the very first intention was just to write my own opinion), any complaints about the results of the “exploration” will be accepted.

Posted by Helen

Ukraine is game to you!?

Between American movies, TV shows and music; most Ukrainians have created their personal opinion of life in America. Of course, the chance that these beliefs are accurate may be a little far fetched. (However, I do think that it is possible that a general knowledge of American culture, history and geography can be learned from these same sources.) I assure you that while the characters in the sitcom “Friends” may be able to afford a large apartment in New York City working as  a struggling actor or in a coffee shop no one else in the city could possibly do this (except maybe for the characters in Seinfeld?). Americans are generally not very good at geography. In fact, most foreigners consider it an insular country. Only about 37% of Americans have a passport and many of those may be foreign born that have recently become naturalized. Let me tell a joke:

What do you call someone who speaks three languages?------trilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks two Languages? ------bilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks one language?-----an American.

Most Americans know very little about Ukraine but usually they have at least heard of the country and know that it was formally part of the Soviet Union. I think they may remember the Crimean War and the Yalta Conference from history class but these are probably remembered as being associated with Russia and the USSR respectfully. I assume that there are probably only four things that most American minds can conjure up when Ukraine is mentioned. First would be that “the Ukraine” was the breadbasket of the USSR and that Hitler sent his armies to capture it, secondly they might think (incorrectly!) that Chicken Kiev is the national dish. The next item would be the disaster at Chernobyl. This happened not too long after our own Three Mile Island. Once more, it is possible that people remember this happening in the USSR and they might not be aware that it is located in the present country of Ukraine. The most recent source of information about Ukraine would be from the aforementioned Seinfeld sitcom. In one episode, two of the characters were playing the board game called “Risk”. The characters could not play the game in one sitting and there were concerns about cheating. When one of them had to run an errand he insisted that he was taking the board with him and then the other fellow demanded to come along also. They ended up taking their inexhaustible game on the subway. The following clip shows what happened next:  http://youtu.be/fzLtF_PxbYw.

Posted by John 

P.S. I would like to hope that the Ukrainians that know me think I am an exception to the last paragraph. I am mediocre at dozens of things but I have at least traveled to almost every county in Europe as well as six continents. I think I can also remember picking up a minor in geography from some school out west. Additionally, I have studied both Russian and Ukrainian History.

There's no such thing as a Free Lunch

“Free cheese is only in a mousetrap” − I guess this Russian saying approximately corresponds with the above English one with a precise concretization of what kind of “lunch” and what its consequences were. It means that people in Ukraine do not actually believe in e-mail and internet congratulation letters related to them winning a lottery. Actually, my mail-service would mark something like this as a spam and suggest that it be deleted.

There are some genuine opportunities to squander your money though. For example, if you receive a letter that says you’ve won some amount of money (such as $10,000), and the only thing you’ve got to do to get it delivered is to send a small sum ($20) to the company’s fund. Of course you’ll never get your “winnings”.

You might as well play the lottery or gamble, but I’ve never seen a happy victor of those, except in one case. There was a guy who put some money on the date of my birthday and won (at 35-1 odds) in American Roulette (yes, you can play this in Ukraine!). But I didn’t actually participate. I was an astonished witness only, so I can say that I don’t have any definite experience in the lottery/gambling field and have never taken the possibility of winning seriously.

On the contrary, John seems to be well informed about Green Card Lottery scams and winners as if he had followed this information for a long time. No wonder he came to Ukraine in 2010 when as he said there were a lot of winners: he had to check what made our people win, and was trying to catch some splash of greatness staying here with the lucky men and women. Had his arrival anything to do with marriage agencies and the disbelief in them, who knows? We can only wonder.

Posted by Helen

Green in Judgement

        This post is being provided as a public service. From time to time some of my Ukrainian friends have asked me to look at an item that was sent to them about the U.S. Green Card lottery, (this is also known as the United States Permanent Resident Card or Diversity Visa). They usually receive an e-mail (that comes from an address ending in .usa) saying that they have won the lottery and that they should send a fee by Western Union to pay for the visa processing.  Official U.S. government websites end in .gov. If you receive something that ends in .usa then it is not from the U.S. government. I have noticed that the e-mail is not random spam because it does contain personal information such as name, phone number and place of birth I’m guessing that this e-mail was the result of entering the green card lottery on a site other than an official U.S. government website. It is important that you enter the Green Card Lottery on the actual U.S. State Department website. You do not have to pay to enter the lottery and you can get the forms for free The e-mail promises health insurance for 1 year, 3 months free rent in any city of your choice and a guaranteed job in your field. Of course to make this happen you must send $880 to an US Embassy Agent named Andrew Pickering in London, United Kingdom. Obviously, someone is making money off of naïve Ukrainians that fall for these scams. Perhaps it is being done by lonely men seeking revenge for money lost to Ukrainian marriage agencies?

        Once you enter the lottery you should be aware that the U.S. government does not notify the winners by e-mail. In the past, the Kentucky Consular Center gave the results by letter but that will change in the near future. The results from the next lottery (DV-2012) will only be available online (http://www.dvlottery.state.gov/). It is too late to enter this lottery because it closed in early November of 2010. If you do win the lottery then there are additional steps that you must take including getting a medical exam and being interviewed by a consular officer. It should be noted that in 2010 and 2011 Ukraine had the most winners of the lottery among all of the European countries and was near the top between all nations. 

        Let’s review the red flags about the lottery that might uncover a scam….

• The lottery is run once a year, normally for about 30 days starting in October.

• You must enter thru the official US State Department website which is: http://www.state.gov/

• Results are not sent by e-mail.

• Any websites or e-mails that do not end in .gov are imposters.

Go here: http://travel.state.gov/visa/immigrants/types/types_1322.html

To read more information about the (Diversity Visa (DV) Lottery Program

Posted by John

Summer is a Little Life

Ukrainians are not usually very gullible about weather forecasts, even though some people are used to following these programs as closely as their favorite TV-shows or political news. They do this so they are informed about the subject and so they have the ability to chat about it later. For some reason they feel really proud of themselves or even satisfied when they find out that the forecast lied like politicians do. This corresponds to their image of our country and makes them certain that all things are in their correct place (which really means in the wrong ones). Also, this is the perfect reason to enjoy yourself complaining about our unfair lives.

As long as everybody lies, there is only one thing to believe in – a paper calendar which as a rule says there are three months in summer. No matter how hot it is in May or September, Ukrainians will correct you if you use the word summer with respect to those months.

I’ve never thought about unofficial summer, but I guess it’s about time I did. I think for most people it consists of vacation days (28 according to the law). These are usually divided into two parts so that you can’t get really relaxed and lose your professional skills. Actually nobody really wants to work in summer so it’s quite difficult for each company to let all their employees go on vacation during June-August. Working during the summer is much worse at state companies than at private ones because of the lack of air conditioning (see the topic on the blog below).

It seems like the summer is a land of milk and honey for two categories of Ukrainian people – students and teachers, but every silver lining has its own cloud (I guess this version of saying was plagiarized from John), because the children are dependent on where and when their parents go and teachers just can’t afford to go very far for vacation. The most exciting thing is that they are usually supposed to do a lot of paper work in June, even though the studying process in is over by this time. Also they must get used to dying, painting, repairing and cleaning classrooms during this time. At some schools it’s pretty common to force students of 9-11 grades and their parents to do something around the school. And frequently parents must pay if they don’t want to do this.

University professors are not required to do repair work (students by and large do all of it), but they’ve got to give final exams in June and accept entrants in July with their exams accordingly, so their summer really isn’t much more than one month like for most people.

I have been thinking about Russian (Ukrainian) summer songs to post here but the most popular of them during the last summer was quite scandalous (hence its popularity) and it would be rude to post it with the Doors, so you can google or youtube it to understand what I’m talking about (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZfnoEwfuWU).

Posted by Helen

P.S. Summer is a little life is a common saying here and also a song of Oleg Mityayev.

Summer's Almost Gone?

        In the Northern Hemisphere according to the astronomical outlook, summer lasts from the summer solstice (typically June 21) through to the autumnal equinox (typically September 21). Of course, the Northern Hemisphere includes all of North America and all of Europe so summer should be celebrated at the same time in both continents. However, this is not always the case because the meaning of summer can vary in different cultures. Americans are aware of the official dates for summer probably because the mass media always reminds us. Nevertheless, some people consider the real summer, the full months of June, July and August. Strangely enough, Americans can think of summer as either the aforementioned astronomical or full month views but they can also observe what is called the unofficial summer. This would portray summer as being book ended by the holidays of Memorial Day (the last Monday in May) and Labor Day (the first Monday in September). So it seems that in America one person’s summer may not be quite the same as someone else’s.
        It can vary from state to state but traditionally school children would have off almost the whole summer. American children have the following rhyme to mark the end of the school year:

        “No more pencils,
         No more books,
         No more teachers’ dirty looks,
         When the teacher rings the bell,
         Drop your books and run like hell.”

(This was actually used in Alice Cooper’s 1972 song called “School’s Out”)

        Parents love when they start seeing the “Back to School Sale” signs because they know that the rug rats will soon be safely back in the class room. At the other end of the spectrum these same advertisements are the worst nightmare of children. Even the older kids know that they will soon have to say farewell to their summer jobs and their summer loves and get reacquainted with their textbooks.
        In Ukraine things are a little different. I noticed this right away when the calendar initially hit June first. I heard all of the Ukrainians chatting about the start of summer. I politely informed them that summer was still 3 weeks away. I was then also politely informed that it was not the case in Ukraine. This is a minor cultural difference because as far as I can tell all Ukrainians think of June 1 till the end of August as the season of summer. Actually, last year when I was starting a vacation at the end of August the quick change in the weather had me emulating their pattern. In any case, it is traditional in the former USSR to follow the meteorologist view of summer, which is the full months with the warmest days. Right now, my Ukrainian friends are enjoying the beginning of their summer but I won’t correct them because I learned that I can never win this argument.









Alice Cooper is cool but The Doors ROCK!

 Posted by John